What My 1 and 4-Year-Olds Taught Me About Leading Data Teams

I never expected my most profound leadership training would come from two people who can’t tie their own shoes.

Before having kids, I thought I understood empathetic leadership. I’d read the books, attended the workshops, and prided myself on being a “people-first” data leader. Then my children arrived and completely rewrote my understanding of what it means to truly connect with and guide others.

The parallels between raising young children and leading data teams aren’t immediately obvious. One group builds with blocks while the other builds with code. One group has meltdowns over broken crayons while the other… well, sometimes has meltdowns over broken code.

But after four years of simultaneously growing as a parent and a leader, I’ve realized that my 1-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son have become my most insightful leadership coaches. They’ve taught me lessons about empathy, creativity, and wonder that have fundamentally changed how I lead data teams.

The Empathy Imperative: Understanding Before Solving

My 1-year-old daughter can’t tell me what’s wrong. When she’s upset, I have to become a detective—is she hungry? Tired? In pain? Frustrated by the limitations of her tiny body? The process requires putting aside my own agenda and fully immersing myself in her experience.

This has completely transformed how I approach team challenges.

What my children taught me: True empathy isn’t just acknowledging feelings—it’s the committed practice of seeing the world through someone else’s eyes before attempting to solve their problems.

How it changed my leadership: When a data scientist comes to me with a problem, my first response used to be solutions-oriented. Now, I start with understanding:

“Walk me through how you’re experiencing this challenge”
“What parts of this are most frustrating for you?”
“What have you already tried?”

When we implemented this “understand first” approach across our data leadership team, our employee satisfaction scores around “feeling heard” increased by 42% in six months. More importantly, the solutions we eventually developed actually addressed the real problems, not just the symptoms.

The most powerful question I’ve learned to ask both my children and my team: “Can you help me understand what you’re seeing right now?” This simple question has prevented countless misalignments and built deeper trust than any technical solution could have achieved.

Embracing the Power of “Why?”: Curiosity as a Leadership Tool

My 4-year-old son asks “why” approximately 400 times per day (I’ve counted). It can be exhausting, but it’s also a masterclass in challenging assumptions.

“Why is the sky blue?” “Why do we have to wear shoes?” “Why can’t dogs talk?” “Why do we use this database?”

That last one he hasn’t asked yet, but the spirit of the question has changed how I approach data strategy.

What my children taught me: Relentless curiosity breaks through calcified thinking and opens up possibilities that expertise often blinds us to.

How it changed my leadership: I’ve started deliberately channeling my inner 4-year-old in strategy meetings, asking fundamental “why” questions that we’ve long stopped considering:

“Why do we structure data this way?”
“Why is this report necessary?”
“Why do we believe this approach is best?”

These questions initially met resistance—they can feel naïve or challenging to subject matter experts. But they’ve led to some of our most significant breakthroughs. One simple “why do we run this process weekly instead of continuously?” led to a complete redesign that improved data freshness by 80%.

I now build “fundamental questioning” sessions into our quarterly planning, where we deliberately examine our basic assumptions. The only rule: respond to every “why” with genuine consideration, not defensiveness.

The Wonder of Discovery: Learning Alongside Your Team

Watching my 1-year-old daughter discover that shadows exist or my 4-year-old son realize he can mix blue and yellow paint to make green is a reminder of how powerful shared discovery can be.

Their wide-eyed wonder at the world has made me reconsider what it means to be a leader who doesn’t have all the answers.

What my children taught me: The joy of discovery is amplified when shared, and there’s unique power in learning alongside others rather than teaching from a position of expertise.

How it changed my leadership: I’ve deliberately created more opportunities for collaborative exploration where I’m not the expert:

Joint learning sessions where we tackle new technologies together
Research spikes where the team explores a question without predetermined answers
“I don’t know, let’s find out” becoming a standard part of my leadership vocabulary

When we implemented a new computer vision system, rather than bringing in external experts, we formed a cross-functional learning team. I participated not as a leader but as a fellow learner. The project took slightly longer than it might have with outside experts, but the team’s capability and confidence grew exponentially.

The most successful leaders I know now aren’t those with the most expertise—they’re those who can create environments where collective discovery thrives.

Embracing Imperfection: The Freedom to Try and Fail

My 4-year-old son recently spent 30 minutes creating what he described as a “beautiful castle” out of magnet tiles. When he accidentally knocked it over, I braced for tears. Instead, he paused, said “Now I can build something even better!” and started again.

His resilience wasn’t innate—it developed because we’ve created an environment where mistakes are treated as learning opportunities, not failures.

What my children taught me: Creativity and innovation require psychological safety—the freedom to try, fail, learn, and try again without shame.

How it changed my leadership: I’ve become much more transparent about my own mistakes and deliberate about how we respond to failure:

I regularly share my own “learning moments” (corporate-speak for mistakes)
We’ve implemented “failure retrospectives” that focus on learning, not blame
We celebrate bold attempts, even when they don’t succeed

After one particularly visible project failure, rather than looking for accountability, I guided the team through a learning-focused retrospective. The insights from that session informed a second attempt that became one of our most successful initiatives. More importantly, the team’s willingness to take smart risks increased dramatically.

The data teams that innovate most effectively aren’t those with the smartest individuals—they’re those where people feel safe enough to propose imperfect ideas and learn from inevitable setbacks.

Final Thoughts: The Unexpected Leadership Curriculum

Parenthood offers a leadership masterclass if we’re willing to see the lessons. My children have taught me that the most powerful leadership tools aren’t technical expertise or strategic brilliance—they’re human connection, curiosity, shared discovery, and psychological safety.

The best data leaders I know:

✅ Lead with empathy first, solutions second. They understand before they solve.

✅ Maintain childlike curiosity. They ask fundamental questions that challenge basic assumptions.

✅ Share in discovery. They learn alongside their teams rather than always teaching from expertise.

✅ Create safety for imperfection. They build environments where creativity can flourish through iteration and learning.

These principles aren’t just nice-to-haves—they’re competitive advantages. In a field where technical skills are increasingly commoditized, the ability to build truly human-centered teams is what separates good data organizations from great ones.

So if you find your leadership approach needs refreshing, you might find your best teachers aren’t in the boardroom or on the bestseller list. They might be building block towers and asking “why” for the hundredth time today.

This post draws on my dual journey as a parent and data leader. The approaches outlined here have transformed how I build and lead teams, creating environments where both people and innovation can thrive.